You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When

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• Say to the salesman in the men's store, "Nice pants, but I don't think I can kick in them."
• Go to the shoe store to try on shoes and:
  • Instead of walking or jogging around the store, you practice pivoting, sweeps, stances and kicks.
  • You check to see if the shoe has a sufficiently hard striking surface and whether it protects the toes well
  • Buy shoes either because they're particularly flexible or have steel toes.
  • Lastly, you don't even care if (and they probably are) the other patrons are looking at you funny. (That's the big clue)
• Pass a wall and start to wonder: 'Is that structural or drywall?' THEN you know you've gone overboard.
• Hit your head on a low doorway or ceiling and kick it in anger and _damage_ it.
• "GAK! NO! The left side of the bathrobe goes on top...."
• "What was I doing in my office when I was spinning around and flailing my arms and legs? Ahhhhhmmmmmmm....."
• You're practicing your arm blocks while driving down the highway, notice someone in another car staring at you, and suddenly turn your block into vigorously fanning away an imaginary fly.
• Use various strikes to turn lights off and on.
• Don your clothing with kicks, thrusts, and punches.
• Open and close doors with spinning kicks.
• Find yourself idly doing iaido and kenjitsu moves with the plastic knives at the fast food place
• Can't walk by anybody else from your school without casually exchanging a flurry of mock strikes and kicks.
• Haven't gotten over the phase of seeing everybody walking around with a blanket of little red cross-hairs on all their vital spots.
• Never miss an episode of "Kung Fu", "Walker, Texas Ranger", or "Highlander".
• Deliberately go to see martial arts movies in the theater so you can leap to your feet and shriek with indignation during the movie, out in the parking lot, and with all your friends the next time you're at class.
• Find yourself practicing bo staff techniques in miniature with your pencil during dull meetings.
• Try to backfist the correct floor button on the inside of the elevator, based on your memory of the button's location, before you get in far enough to see it.
• Notice you never stand with your arms crossed or your hands in your pockets.
• Tend to keep at least one flavor of martial arts weapon close at hand by your bed when you sleep.
• Have at least one fantasy where you are a martial arts hero and end the fight by saying something so cool that you make Arnold Schwarzenegger and Clint Eastwood look like nervous chatterboxes.
• Have begun to master the reflex to commit a very messy homicide when, directly after someone finds out you practice martial arts, they immediately ask "Are you a Black Belt ???"
• Have the urge to bow every time you enter or leave a room.
• Accidentally call your favorite professors 'sensei'.
• Find yourself practicing stances while standing in lines.
• Don't use any tools while splitting firewood.
• Are introduced to someone and you bow to greet them.
• See some wood or concrete, even things like stools or tables, and get excited while you picture just how you would go about breaking it. Then you get funny looks as you feel it and give it a look of hard concentration, then maybe measure off a few times.

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